Everything changes.

Almost forgot to post! Three for three.

Have to get to bed now though, morning and evening sittings tomorrow. I have the day off, to get some extra sitting in since it’s the actual day of Rohatsu, too.

Two for two.

This morning was very cloudy. Not “I am resisting practicing” cloudy, not “I am exhausted, the ego is exhausted and practice remains” cloudy, but “what is even going on oh why is there a bell oh yeah I remember” cloudy. Tomorrow morning I am going to make coffee at home and drink it on the way to the centre. Even during sesshin I have a cup of black tea first thing in the morning.

A friend of mine — from a small online community I’ve hung out in for, oh, holy cow, probably twelve years now — mentioned today that a friend had passed away. And that that friend’s partner (wife? I can’t remember) had gone through his wallet, as one does when one is closing up the affairs of another, and found that he had carried with him the metta sutta.

The last lines seem fitting —

By not holding to fixed views,
The pure-hearted one, having clarity of vision,
Being freed from all sense desires,
Is not born again into this world.

One down, four to go.

Hit the snooze button a few too many times this morning but still got out of the house on time to get to the Zen Centre around quarter to six. I was the first in the zendo other than the monitor.

Our morning sittings don’t have any kinhin — just two rounds with a bell in between at which you can change your posture — and that was tough, because if I’m a little sleepy kinhin usually snaps me out of it. I can see needing to work extra hard this week.

Tomorrow’s going to be a real challenge, though. Morning sitting, then home to keep an eye on a software release at work, then back down to the centre’s neighbourhood for a business meeting, then up to the office for the rest of the day, then back to the zen centre for the evening sitting.

But it’s not like I’ve got better things to do, right?

It’s Rohatsu, and I’m not on sesshin.

Candice is, in Vermont with Taigen sensei and Sunyana sensei and about fifty sangha members, twenty or so from the Toronto Zen Centre. But my office is in the middle of a big move and I’m driving the project, so I played it safe and didn’t go in case this week was a big move-related week. (Which it kind of is, but only kind of.)

Anyhow, since I’m here, I’m going to step up my practice to take advantage of the energy that comes from knowing every Zen sangha around the world is on sesshin this week.

The first step of doing that is going to morning sittings. But my ego is complaining. It provided me a handy list of reasons not to go:

1. It’s early.
2. Candice goes every morning and I don’t want to have to force myself into Candice’s morning routine. Except she’s not here this week.
3. I don’t wanna.

Yyyyyeah. So. Hey Internet, I’m going to go to morning sittings this week! At least tomorrow (to start off right) and Thursday (Rohatsu itself). And I’m going to post here every day this week, if only to say “I sat”, so there’s no hiding behind a lack of updates.

Take that, ego!